musings { Where have we been?

I know the blog has been pretty idle for the last few months. 2008 has been a year I'm ready to put behind me. Its been an escalating painful year, one bad thing after another, none of which were caused by anything we could have prevented. Its been a year of experience. Its been a year of declining health and an increasing withdrawn outlook and attitude to the world. We've broken off contact with most people we know, we have gone low-key because this year every time we stepped out and tried to do something or be ourselves we were smacked down.

Those people, all of them, who decided that we were enemies suddenly and out of the blue and went above and beyond in an attempt to destroy us, people whom we trusted and thought of as friends, will never be forgotten, nor can I ever forgive them. All of them.

This year, much like 2002 when I underwent my ordeal with cancer, was also a year when we found out who our true friends were, and for that I am grateful. These people are cherished and loved by us.

Our love for each other has been renewed and strengthened. We've been through a lot in the nearly a decade of marriage. We will survive.

2008 was going to be a year of dreams and hopes. We had a lot planned, but it became a year of nightmares. Stolen dreams. Crushed hopes.

I will not allow my spark of hope and optimism go out however, for I've been there and that is the deepest darkness. 2009 will be better, for there is only one place to go, up.


GeekGoddess said...

Your first two paragraphs could have been written by Avindair or me. As I read it, I felt like you plucked the words right out of my brain. We've seen that over and over in our 10 years in the Twin Cities, and our well of patience and forgiveness for it has run dry. It's an all too familiar refrain and one I'm weary of repeating.

These are uncertain and troubled times for many. Hugs to you and NerdWife from our family. May 2009 put us all on a path of hope and renewal.

Avindair said...

What GG said.

You have to realize, Geist, that going to Florida this year wasn't an option. I had to go. I needed that experience for a lot of reasons:

* To repair my sense of self-worth.
* To learn that my skills do matter.
* To understand that "being creative" does not go hand-in-hand with "being a snide asshole". (That's an apparently well-known quirk of the Minneapolis / St. Paul region.)
* To open new horizons.

All of those things were accomplished.

Better still, I had something else happen: I made friends easily. Friends I talk to every other day. Friends who care.

Best, friends who genuinely renewed my faith in people.

So I get where you're coming from. I get it because I've been there. Heck, while I'm in this region, I'm still there.

Keep your chin up.