musings { Sorry the updates have been minimal...

And at that YouTube videos.

Its not that my creative juices have been low, in fact they have been flowing. Just I've been spread in a lot of different directions. A lot of my energy has been dumped into my Guild. We've picked up a lot of new, wonderful people lately. Nerdwife has also broke sixty and well into Outlands, so I've been spending time with her there.

As I've stated before, WoW is what most people have as TV time. I do this for a few hours in the evening, usually after chores (though sometimes not), and if I don't have work. I think its far more interesting and definitely more interactive than what has been on TV for the last few years. The only exception is the of course our one TV addiction. I've started a new alt for farming and possibly raiding. He's a druid. I plan for him to be feral/restoration and plan to swap as needed. Our guild has a bit of a tank shortage at the moment, as we still have a number of tanks leveling (as well as new healers). I plan to have a character that can fulfill a tank or healer role as needed in raids. But he's only level 13 so I have a while to decide. I have numerous alts that I've started for various professions; my shaman the leatherworker; my hunter the jewelcrafter; my warlock the tailor and enchanter; my druid the herbalist and skinner; my mage the pyro-maniac engineer; my warrior the blacksmith. But none of these are as much fun or have a special place in my heart that Pernox occupies. My energy in game has been spent being a liaison between IoD and another guild 'Total Recall' which is the reincarnation of the original guild I first joined when I started WoW. We've merged our resources to help us progress in 25 man end game content. So far its worked well. We're moving beyond Gruul's Lair and into Tempest Keep and Serpentshrine Caverns. We've even stuck our toes into Mount Hyjal.

So yes WoW has been a big chunk of my free and creative time. But its not all that I've been doing.

I keep two journals now. One is my day to day that I've been keeping for years now. Its up to volume 2. It contains my thoughts and feelings and interpretations on my journey through life. My other journal is a creative writing project. I'm trying to develop my skills as a writer. I've always wanted to be able to tell stories. My first project I assigned to myself is something I know well, Pernox. I'm trying to write a journal from the perspective of my character. Its written in first person and is intended to be a journal of travels and advice for future Deathstalkers (Forsaken rogues). Its pretty bland. But other writers who have either training in writing or are professional writers tell me that the first step is to start writing. Keep writing stuff until you've refined your basic technical skills and develop your own style.

The other project I've been working on is my 10+ year quest to learn the bass guitar. Its really hard for me. I have a book 'Bass Guitar for Dummies' and I've been spending time just learning the strings and getting my hands, used to a lifetime at the keyboard, to learn how to move on the strings. The bass I have is a hand me down, and it has some imperfections. I'm getting used enough to the sounds and how things should sound that I think for my birthday this year I will buy myself a new learner bass. I've also found some videos on YouTube that I've been watching.

Work has been more of a grind than WoW. I've moved beyond soul sucking. I've checked out. I have a couple of projects that are high impact and somewhat interesting. But this place has finally broke me. I don't have the energy or the will to continue to try and change things for the better. I'm just passing time and collecting a paycheck and trying not to get fired until Nerdwife and I are ready to move away from Rochester. Training budget has been frozen since 2006 so I've not been able to add anything to my skillset, which means its time to get out of here before my skills degrade anymore. I've also not felt that I can stand behind my work that I've done here. Which hurts. I've always taken pride in my work. Even if it hasn't been the greatest, I would stand by it and use my failures as learning experiences. Here it doesn't matter. It takes so much effort and energy and time to get anything changed here I'm just gonna take the path of least resistance. Do what I can. And polish my resume and tap into my network of contacts as to how the job prospects are for my profession.

Nerdwife and I haven't decided where we're gonna go yet. We have some ideas. One this is for sure. Once we leave Rochester, we will never look back, nor will we probably ever come back. I won't say the last four years of our lives have been wasted here, but it was amazing how fast four years of progress and advancement can be taken away on pure fabrication, hearsay, jealousy, and pettiness.

Last weekend we spent the 4th at a BBQ with our friends in the Cities, many of whom I've not seen for months. I miss those people. Genuine, real friends. People who weren't just pretending to be nice. People who we could let our guard down and with whom we could be ourselves. Something we don't get to do in Rochester, save in the remaining sanctuary of our home. I went to Nerdnight the following day and played a guest appearance. It felt good rolling the dice again with the Nerds. Even though I was in Rochester, I used to religiously go to Nerdnight twice a month. However I had to take a break due to the events of last April. I'm on extended leave, but it felt good to know I will have a place at the table.

Much good news with some of the Nerds. Goran, who in my opinion has had one of the most interesting life paths of anyone I know, has in the last year found his birth certificate (was lost in a fire). Picked up a passport (so he and John can travel, especially to Sweden and Finland). Found his family and extended family. And now will be able to marry John, legally in California. I wept with joy and happiness for my friends.

I've been drained a lot lately. I don't think its anything to worry about other than anxiety over how things have been unfolding the last few months. I've not slept well. I keep having feelings of helplessness and hopelessness randomly.

I think I'm still losing weight, but my eating patterns have been up and down. I still need to lose a lot of weight. I need to ride my bike more. I stopped going to the gym when the badness started since many of the people who are central to it went there at the same times we did.

I'll never forgive those people, ever. People who I called friend, shared food with, let into my house and my life. Its not my nature to wish ill on people. But with these people, I would not feel bad if I heard something tragic happened to them. These duplicitous bastards deserve whatever bad things in life happen to them for what they've done.

One day at a time. One problem at a time.

1 comment:

DAV said...

Hang in there dude. Don't know what to tell you except the worst thing to do about A-holes is to stew about them, because then they bother you even when they're not around A bonus for them. This is of course easier said than done. It may not be a bad call to play some Risk with Liliya and me when while we're around. Honestly, If I had known you were this down we would have made more of an effort to hang.