musings { stuff

I have way too much stuff. In the move to Rochester I purged about 12 years worth of stuff, but I still kept a lot of sentimental stuff. This year I've purged more. If/when we move again I will purge more. I have a ton of sci-fi and RPG stuff. I think its time to put this up on e-Bay. Time to downsize my life.

With the exception of a handful of book (1st editions and such) I wish there was a way to get all my novels on digital media in a durable, open, reviewable, transferable format.

musings { death of a mentor

I found out last night one of my mentors from high school, someone who had a huge impact on my life, died from complications in recovery post heart surgery. I will call him on this blog Mr. F. He was my advanced mathematics teacher and senior year advisor. He saw potential in me, and lent me his college Calculus books so that I could start learning Calculus, since at the time our school only had Advanced Algebra as the highest math course.

The sands of time continue to drop through the hourglass of life.

joy { Happy Birthday Nerdwife

Happiness to you on this day of arbitrary time measurement on completing another solar cycle of existence. To you I give the gift of music and my love.





and because I can't resist...

musings/work { And here I go again on my own...

Well not really. I've just been kicking the idea of going free-lance, Sys Admin for hire, in the back of my mind for about 5 years now. Trying to figure out what I'd need to do. I know I'd need contacts, some way to market myself, and a good stable of initial customers. As well as a way to do contracts, make sure I get paid and such. I did my own company thing twice. Both times I couldn't make a go of it because I needed to keep my own job to cover costs, so I know I was doing something wrong.

I think I'm at a phase, much like my father had, when in his 30s he decided he wanted to become a farmer, where I want to be my own boss. Choose my own work. I have skills, I'm creative and experienced in my given profession, I think people may have a need for my talent, and I'm tired of working for 'The Man'. Ideally I'd like to have a number of clients, each of whom I'd spend 2-6 billable hours per week on. Small to mid sized for-profits, non-profits, academic places would be ideal. Some place where they only need 1-2 Sys Admins, and I could control aspects of the environment, build the systems how I see fit, shape the environments to what I think are a good meld of customer needs with best practices. Can do Linux (various flavors), Solaris, AIX, HP-UX. Well versed in security policies, architecture, backup/recovery/business continuity, networking, and heterogeneous integration. I have weaknesses, sendmail and printing sub-systems are still not my forte (but I'm a fast learner). Ideally I'd like to be able to work 3-5 days/week and a bit more free time, and only be on call if I choose or get reimbursed well for it. I'm not adverse to travel, just don't want to spend a lot of time away from home, nor can I really afford to pay my expenses upfront and get reimbursed at this point.

So this is really still in the dream stage. I'm asking for a lot and I'm not sure as a UNIX admin this fantasy could become a reality. Plus health insurance in America is expensive when you pay your own way, and with my previous 'condition', I'm uninsureable (per the insurance companies own policies) for at least 10 years, maybe longer, and then I get to pay 2x-4x times more what other people pay. Because I was unlucky enough to have cancer once...and survived.

musings { Sorry the updates have been minimal...

And at that YouTube videos.

Its not that my creative juices have been low, in fact they have been flowing. Just I've been spread in a lot of different directions. A lot of my energy has been dumped into my Guild. We've picked up a lot of new, wonderful people lately. Nerdwife has also broke sixty and well into Outlands, so I've been spending time with her there.

As I've stated before, WoW is what most people have as TV time. I do this for a few hours in the evening, usually after chores (though sometimes not), and if I don't have work. I think its far more interesting and definitely more interactive than what has been on TV for the last few years. The only exception is the of course our one TV addiction. I've started a new alt for farming and possibly raiding. He's a druid. I plan for him to be feral/restoration and plan to swap as needed. Our guild has a bit of a tank shortage at the moment, as we still have a number of tanks leveling (as well as new healers). I plan to have a character that can fulfill a tank or healer role as needed in raids. But he's only level 13 so I have a while to decide. I have numerous alts that I've started for various professions; my shaman the leatherworker; my hunter the jewelcrafter; my warlock the tailor and enchanter; my druid the herbalist and skinner; my mage the pyro-maniac engineer; my warrior the blacksmith. But none of these are as much fun or have a special place in my heart that Pernox occupies. My energy in game has been spent being a liaison between IoD and another guild 'Total Recall' which is the reincarnation of the original guild I first joined when I started WoW. We've merged our resources to help us progress in 25 man end game content. So far its worked well. We're moving beyond Gruul's Lair and into Tempest Keep and Serpentshrine Caverns. We've even stuck our toes into Mount Hyjal.

So yes WoW has been a big chunk of my free and creative time. But its not all that I've been doing.

I keep two journals now. One is my day to day that I've been keeping for years now. Its up to volume 2. It contains my thoughts and feelings and interpretations on my journey through life. My other journal is a creative writing project. I'm trying to develop my skills as a writer. I've always wanted to be able to tell stories. My first project I assigned to myself is something I know well, Pernox. I'm trying to write a journal from the perspective of my character. Its written in first person and is intended to be a journal of travels and advice for future Deathstalkers (Forsaken rogues). Its pretty bland. But other writers who have either training in writing or are professional writers tell me that the first step is to start writing. Keep writing stuff until you've refined your basic technical skills and develop your own style.

The other project I've been working on is my 10+ year quest to learn the bass guitar. Its really hard for me. I have a book 'Bass Guitar for Dummies' and I've been spending time just learning the strings and getting my hands, used to a lifetime at the keyboard, to learn how to move on the strings. The bass I have is a hand me down, and it has some imperfections. I'm getting used enough to the sounds and how things should sound that I think for my birthday this year I will buy myself a new learner bass. I've also found some videos on YouTube that I've been watching.

Work has been more of a grind than WoW. I've moved beyond soul sucking. I've checked out. I have a couple of projects that are high impact and somewhat interesting. But this place has finally broke me. I don't have the energy or the will to continue to try and change things for the better. I'm just passing time and collecting a paycheck and trying not to get fired until Nerdwife and I are ready to move away from Rochester. Training budget has been frozen since 2006 so I've not been able to add anything to my skillset, which means its time to get out of here before my skills degrade anymore. I've also not felt that I can stand behind my work that I've done here. Which hurts. I've always taken pride in my work. Even if it hasn't been the greatest, I would stand by it and use my failures as learning experiences. Here it doesn't matter. It takes so much effort and energy and time to get anything changed here I'm just gonna take the path of least resistance. Do what I can. And polish my resume and tap into my network of contacts as to how the job prospects are for my profession.

Nerdwife and I haven't decided where we're gonna go yet. We have some ideas. One this is for sure. Once we leave Rochester, we will never look back, nor will we probably ever come back. I won't say the last four years of our lives have been wasted here, but it was amazing how fast four years of progress and advancement can be taken away on pure fabrication, hearsay, jealousy, and pettiness.

Last weekend we spent the 4th at a BBQ with our friends in the Cities, many of whom I've not seen for months. I miss those people. Genuine, real friends. People who weren't just pretending to be nice. People who we could let our guard down and with whom we could be ourselves. Something we don't get to do in Rochester, save in the remaining sanctuary of our home. I went to Nerdnight the following day and played a guest appearance. It felt good rolling the dice again with the Nerds. Even though I was in Rochester, I used to religiously go to Nerdnight twice a month. However I had to take a break due to the events of last April. I'm on extended leave, but it felt good to know I will have a place at the table.

Much good news with some of the Nerds. Goran, who in my opinion has had one of the most interesting life paths of anyone I know, has in the last year found his birth certificate (was lost in a fire). Picked up a passport (so he and John can travel, especially to Sweden and Finland). Found his family and extended family. And now will be able to marry John, legally in California. I wept with joy and happiness for my friends.

I've been drained a lot lately. I don't think its anything to worry about other than anxiety over how things have been unfolding the last few months. I've not slept well. I keep having feelings of helplessness and hopelessness randomly.

I think I'm still losing weight, but my eating patterns have been up and down. I still need to lose a lot of weight. I need to ride my bike more. I stopped going to the gym when the badness started since many of the people who are central to it went there at the same times we did.

I'll never forgive those people, ever. People who I called friend, shared food with, let into my house and my life. Its not my nature to wish ill on people. But with these people, I would not feel bad if I heard something tragic happened to them. These duplicitous bastards deserve whatever bad things in life happen to them for what they've done.

One day at a time. One problem at a time.

musings { Life, the Universe, Everything, Redux

We are, will be and have been.

Matter is a state of energy. Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed.

So in essence we have been since the beginning of time, and we will be until the end. We may not have existed as this collection of matter and organic systems, gifted with some spark of self awareness (just another pattern of energy?), for very long, but a part of us is immortal.

These are the things I think of on the bus after having vivid dreams caused by a deep sleep that only a half-bottle of wine and some bourbon can create.

On the ride home my mind, still processing after images of the previous nights dream, one very vivid, but set in the past, where those who I know are dead were counseling me on the nature of things. The specifics are lost, but the images remain. What was strange was everyone in my dream were people very dear to me and who are no longer. As I was sifting this on the bus my mind wandered to death. Not in an emo/goth 'life is pain and darkness' way but more of a philosopher's thoughts on the subject. What happens when we die? Were we before we were born? Is this it? Why are we granted a brief existence upon which to collect experiences, only to be terminated.

Many religions claim to have answers for this, some say we will be reincarnated. Others that we will transcend. Some depending upon the content of our life will go to other places (heaven/hell). They could be merely more theological descriptions of the conservation of matter and energy. Or they could merely be constructs created to try and give some meaning to something. I don't subscribe to the concept that a Heaven or a Hell exist, but I can see how some can find comfort in believing there is an afterlife, otherwise the concept that there is an end to this life could be a bit overwhelming.

I don't know what exists postmortem. As our organic systems stops functioning, what we know as consciousness ceases. But it is not the end of us. Not if looked from the perspective of physics and chemistry. Much like the pieces of physical matter that makes up what we are came from the furnaces of stars, what we become after death is a return to that state. Matter is a waveform of energy. When we die, our consciousness as we know it ends, but because we are matter and energy, it is not destroyed, it is transformed. In a sense, we return back to what we were before we were coalesced into a meat bag of organic systems. Our spark, our waveform of chaotic energy merges, transforms, back into the harmony of the celestial choir that is maintaining the wave pattern of existence.

That said however, I'd like to continue collecting experiences and retain the ability to contemplate this subject in my current frame of reference and condensed state.

musings { It can't be magic all the time

I've been sitting in my office this afternoon sipping some chamomile tea contemplating a myriad of things while I wait for something to finish. I can't seem to think about only one topic and I sort of unhinge my mind and let it flow like a torrent of water over rocks and go where it may. It often results in many unrelated verbal outbursts as my mind does an esoteric six degrees of Kevin Bacon leap from one topic to another in a pattern that only makes sense to the internal filing cabinet of my conscious/sub-conscious. Anyways. One of the blips past the screen of conscious that occurred was a thought regarding the moments in life that you wish wouldn't end. Things like a really great conversation with a friend, my first kiss to my wife, things that can honestly be summed up as happy times, periods of an in-the-moment where for a brief period the world isn't so bad, you are in step with life, and there are honestly, truly no complaints. Those moments are infrequent for me. I've been an unhappy, cynical, person for a large chunk of my life, always feeling out of step, out of the moment, somewhere else. My thoughts once the blip was noticed ran a quick, what I call mental decision/exploration tree of possibilities. One branch was "what if these moments could last forever?" Conclusion, if they were the norm then they would not be memorable or magical. Like Christmas everyday (speaking of Christmas everyday, watch the first video on this link).

I do miss those late nights at Perkins and various coffeehouses when I was still in college, and sporadically after I left where my friends and I saw the sun set and watched it rise again engaged in all night discussion (Allthingspring and I used to do this quite often). When Nerdwife first started graduate school many of the first years congregated every Monday night at a local pub for 'Mystery Beer Night' where expensive beer was $2 and you chose which beer by pulling a name out of a bucket. Those were good times and often went late. But, like the late night conversations with friends, they trickled away. We changed, things changed, the situation changed. Life moved on, got in the way, or shifted. But because these don't happen all the time, they have become milestones on the time line of my life that stand out. I miss those days, but I won't try to bring them back, they happened by chance or random and were gems of the unpredictability of the future. I won't live in those days anymore either, as there are new ones that need to be made.

We are all in a state of flux.

('Flux', Bloc Party)

my_day { Word

life { Friendships

Indecision

musings { The Farm Life...?

I've lived and grown in many different settings, city, rural, farm. I've always felt farmer's have a thankless job. Its hard work. Little pay. You do get to see the fruit of your labors (hopefully, if the season/harvest/herd does well). But it doesn't give you magical insight into life. Although you do get to see the circle of life in all its messy, shit-soaked, and painful glory, especially if you're on a dairy farm and its birthing season. God I'll never forget that smell. One thing that has especially bugged me is why everyone thinks the Midwest, places like Kansas know anything about anything beyond the rest of the country? I'm not alone, I found this article.

excerpt:

The rural life, specifically, the agricultural industry, is a massive, important part of our nation's economic well-being. And yes, yes, I've read Kunstler's Long Emergency, and I know that one catastrophic afternoon in the near future, I will rue the day my grandfather gave up the sod to become a cop in the New World. For some people the rural life is an incredibly rewarding way of life. They should be very proud of the fact they have held on to this great tradition of commerce and, one might argue service, in the face of corporate farming. But that life is not holy, it does not bless one with special insight into the intent of the Framers of the goddam Consitution or what America "should" be like. Have I lost some sort of sacred connection with the land? Maybe. But the last time I checked, the land was dirt, same dirt as the rest of the world, and several generations of my family went broke farming other people's dirt, interrupted only when easily annoyed Englishmenwould occassionally show up and burn all their shit down. Pardon me for enjoying my goddam latte.

Now unlike the author, I lived a part of my life on a farm, a dairy farm to be exact. My father had a life long dream of owning a farm and being a farmer and he made his dream come true. The only insights that way of life gives you is how unfair things can actually be, how fucked the American economy is in regards to the, what they call 'owner/operator' which used to be called the 'family farm'. All this, at least it seemed to me didn't give mystical insight, but it gave a deft sense of practicality. You do what works. You don't do what doesn't, pretty simple. You also see directly how your actions have consequences. Don't rake the hay after its been cut and rained on? It goes moldy and useless. Choose not to clean out the barn regularly? You see a spike in the bacteria count of your milk and consequently a drop in value and price you are paid for it, and if its too bad, they will make you dump it.

Oh and my father is no longer a farmer. He gave up that dream a few years ago. Its not a life that is kind to you as you get older.
I agree with the author fully. Middle America has not been a good gauge for anything since perhaps the 1940s when most of the country were still farmers.

And Hollywood is not in touch with anything, most especially reality. Though for the last few years I feel the same can be said about Washington D.C.

life { Rushford six weeks later

Star Tribune did a piece about Rushford, MN, a town not far from here that was destroyed by the flood. It covers a topic that I've been wondering about, what happens when winter hits?

I've lived in MN for my whole life. I grew up farther north where the winters are a bit harsher than down here in SE MN, but winter is winter. And even though its felt like I've not had winter the last 3 years, the SE MN winters can get get to -10F. We can still get two feet of snow, often all at once (the first winter we lived here, we received 27" inches of snow over night in March 2005).

Donate clothing or cash to the relief effort. Many in this area have lost everything except the clothing on their backs and they will need more of that in the coming months.

SE MN 2007 Flood Volunteer/Relief Information

flood { Rushford, MN - 1 week later

On our way back from Lacrosse today I decided I had to see Rushford for myself. Not because I am a disaster junkie or anything like that, but because I needed to see something that has left a permanent mark on the history of this area. To see and remember.

Rushford is 10 miles off I-90. When you exit, you're surrounded by lush, rolling farmland. As you get closer to Rushford, you start descending from the plateau down into a deep river valley. As you hit the outskirts of town, you start noticing the damage, some houses with carpets outside, a fine layer of mud or silt on the road, but you're still quite a ways up and out of town. As you turn the corner and start entering the downtown district its like entering a different world. Everything is affected. The ground has a layer of silt, quite deep in places. Water level marks on houses, vehicles, trees, crops, anything shows that the water was at least 4' deep and it appears to have been 6' deep in areas. School buses parked in front of a mechanic shop had water marks up to half-way through their windshields, which is 2/3 of the way up the bus. Whole houses and businesses have been completely gutted, the contents laying on the street in large piles. A barn on the edge of town had one corner of its foundation washed out. A corn crop south of town appears to have been completely underwater. People looking wiped out physically and emotionally take breaks next to heaps of their belongings. I didn't bring a camera with and even if I did, I probably would not have taken pictures. Things here were personal. Power was in the form of generators and where the power lines could be patched in (some power line appear to have fallen). Sanitation was port-a-potties in neighborhoods.

I wept.

Monday I am going to see if work has volunteer efforts to go and help with the clean up.

musing { Death in the Virtual World

So I didn't mean for the theme of the blog this week to be such as downer. It just kind of happened that way. I just finished listening to episode 74b of 'The Instance', one of the many podcasts I listen to, this one with a World of Warcraft theme. It was a tribute to a guild member, who in IRL, died suddenly of a rare heart disease.

I mention this because everyone of the players I see on line, regardless if they are an elf, a dwarf, a beastman, an orc, an undead, even gnomes, on the other side of that character, on the other side of that screen is another human being. A spark of life. A soul that resonates in the fabric of existence. Even if some of them have the emotional maturity of a rock and the sensitivity of a twig and the tolerance of a forest fire. Granted because of the nature of the technologies of the Internet and the framework of a fantasy RPG game, we live as relatively anonymous personae of heroes fighting against the supernatural or as the supernatural, sharing only what we want with others. But that as well is not wholly true, many members of what I loving refer to as 'Team CubeZoo' have joined me in game. These are my 'real life' friends. Some of them, my oldest and dearest. I know the face behind the name/character/alias/personae. We've had good times and bad times together. We've supported each other through sorrow and joy. Dark times and light. I love them like family and have loyalty to them as friends.

In the game I have a person (Krieghund is his main's name), who I've never met in real life who I consider a friend. He and I have quested together for dozens of levels with multiple characters. We've shared sorrow and joy with each other as we're both technology professionals and have a lot in common, even if he is red leaning and I am blue leaning, we can respect each other positions and still have good times. Honestly its this relationship that has changed my opinion that not all right-wing aligned people are bad and some still can be rational. I feel bad when he's having a bad week at work, or a rough spot in his life. I share his joy when things are going well. And it works in reverse. Even though I only interact with this person through the framework of the game, he is no less a friend.

Since forming a guild, the guild members have become, not a part of my, family is not the right word but tribe works better. We're small, struggling, on the edge of failing, but we're loyal to each other and help each other.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that in our modern age, the line between reality and virtual reality had smear and blurred.

life { This week

I woke up yesterday morning and thought...I can't do this this week. So with the exception of today. I'm taking the week off. I'm not going to blog beyond this post and as of 5pm today I'm not thinking about work until Monday.

I plan to be anti-social and out of reach, with the exception of Nerd Night. Nerdwife has some time off as well so who knows what we will do or where we will go or whatever.

life { VA Tech Shootings

I've not said anything about this topic because I think others have said it better. It will remain a dark day in our history for as long as there are those who remember. Tragedies such as these are not times of politicizing. These should be times of reflection. When we stop, even if for a little bit and think about the world we live in. Think of those who lost loved ones. Tap that deepest parts of our souls that can sympathize with others that part that has been termed our basic humanity. Mourn for the dead, both for the victims and the shooter.

Round up of links:

Evil Bobby has some good thoughts and links surrounding this topic
http://evilbobby.blogspot.com/2007/04/thoughts-from-seoul.html
http://evilbobby.blogspot.com/2007/04/right-wing-condems-vt-students-for.html
http://evilbobby.blogspot.com/2007/04/re-va-tech-silence-please.html

Salon.com has a great round up of press from around the world, its interesting what other cultures and societies have taken from this event.

NYTimes coverage on the topic.

Everyone has of course (those that aren't stumping the pro-/anti-gun control issue, or the terrorist sub-plot theories, or the religious arguements) have started to analyze the person, Cho, who did the shootings. I don't think we will really know why, or what led to this. I don't think it could ever be that cut and dried. A person's life, like all the lives that were ended, are rich tapestries.


*Update - Seriously, read the salon.com round-up. The news from the world is shock and sympathy for the lost coupled with a sort of 'when will America wake up?' message. *

more musings { the sidewalk

Ok, so I've calmed down after the family tech support affair.

I drank some coffee. Shut off work and spent the last 20 minutes listening to my 0xDEADBEEF playlist on iTunes and watching the world go by outside the window. I find this calming. I wrote a little in my personal journal. Here is what I've seen. This is what I've felt.

The airport shuttle come and pickup some people waiting at the coffeeshop.

An elderly Somali man wander slowly down the street disappearing from view, coming back 10 minutes later. Weather lines and sadness on his face. Why is he sad? What's his story?

I watched someone I call the 'bag lady'. I do not know who she is, but I've seen her all over town. In the subway (the term used in Rochester for the underground and above ground tunnel and skyway system that links together almost all of downtown). On the bus going to the Apache Mall. And, as now, wandering the streets. I've seen her with kids, but not for a long time. The last few months I've seen her around has been without what I believed were her children, but with a sad look, almost pained on her face. Is she ill? Is she homeless? What's her story?

I see the owner of the art gallery across the street, or at least I assume him to be the owner, he is a twin almost for the java-jock at the coffeeshop here. There is a sign in to window, store closing, 50% off. There are 3 stores on this block with similar signs. Why is the store closing? The rug store next to the coffeeshop is closing because the owner has the delusion of opening a bar...despite the fact there is a Pub two doors down from him and an upscale tapas and wine bar next to that. The furniture store is closing after 50+ years because the owner is retiring. The other furniture store is closing for a reason I have not been able to find out yet. The coffeeshop I am sitting in luckily will remain at least for a little while. I hope they last, they're the last local one. The rest are franchises or have closed already. Nothing in this town is open past 9pm it seems.

I see an endless stream of cars, SUVs, vans, and trucks...big loud trucks flow by. They blend into the scenery.

The sky is blue, the Sun is shining.

Kids, well technically teenagers, from the Children's Theater around the corner come in and order smoothies...there's still 10 inches of snow. The noise of the blender intrudes on my playlist. I'm listening to Buffalo Springfield's 'For What Its Worth'. Students and nurses start to filter by on the way to the Mayo employee lot down by Dos Amigos. This daily exodus starts around 3:30pm.

I want to ride my bike.

Winter continues.

The 6D city bus goes by, I've never bothered to look up that route. I take the 7/7A/7N.

I see people I know walk by, they do not see me behind the glass.

I think of the Cities.

I think of San Francisco.

I think of next weekend. We are hosting a dinner party.

I dream of being alone, my INTP side bleeding through in reaction to stress.

An odd meeting invite at work pops up...I contemplate if I should be worried. When did I become so paranoid and cynical at work?

I go back to thinking about Bag Lady and think of the other homeless person I used to see and realize I have not seen him since last summer. I think about the transient couple who used to ask me for money, the couple who a friend, who didn't have any money gave her mittens to because it was cold. I've haven't seen them since last spring.

Rochester is not friendly to those who are homeless or poor.

I think of someone I know in the Graduate School who is from the south who suffers from S.A.D. and hates the winter. He needs a date.

I need a haircut.

The nerd store in Rochester is weak.

An elderly couple from Michigan stop and contemplate the furniture store. Are they here because of the clinic? Maybe, they check a map and drive on.

I've been unfair to a co-worker. I need to rectify that, I still consider him a friend, but I've been hard on him.

I've been unfair to my team lead as well. He means well, but he does get in the way at times.

Le Tigre is awesome.

So is RJD2.

The Oak Street Cinema is going under again. I wish I had the money, I would buy that theater and restore it. It would be cool to own a movie theater and show cool films and movies. It would be cool to own a coffeehouse. Or would it?

Escalades are obscene. So are Navigators. They occur with high frequency in this town. The guy driving the Escalade looks like a twat, but that's not fair of me. I don't know him. He comes into the coffee shop. Its not his Escalade, he's a chauffeur. I remind myself to not be a twat and stop judging.

But this is just a game.

Musings { Technology and Work, part (355/113)

I awoke, slowly, having not slept well again. Nerdwife was already up and showered and had gotten ready for work. I was not fully awake, trying to hold on to what little bliss of a comfortable and cozy bed remained, refusing to arise and face the day for a little longer. She kissed me goodbye, but it seemed like a dream.

I rolled over, shut off the alarm, and fell back into a fitful sleep for another hour. I was trying to sleep in because I knew tonight I would be in late, patching systems.

I finally got up and took a shower. Then descended into my still unpacked office (I put out my WH40K Battlefleet Gothic stuff this weekend and basked in the loving memory of painting the ships and the battles they fought). I was up late the night before switching VCS service groups to other nodes in the cluster so that I could patch the one that awaits me. I made the mistake of leaving my laptop open and logged into work with email open. The emails never end. Somewhere along the line, someone decided email was a real time messenger service and that important things could be conveyed, or worse that they would be read and accepted without discussion. Most people who use email do not understand that it is not 100%, even the USPS isn't 100%. Spelling and grammar have also declined, which is paradoxical since people are writing more. I'm not the best with letters or words, so when I notice, things have sunk to an all time low. I answered a few of the more urgent, to clarify mostly. The I logged off. Work would claim me soon enough. I fired up my PC at home, deciding to check on my WoW auctions. I'm saving for an epic mount, which costs ~560g. I'm level 51 now and need to start. But WoW is undergoing patching, I had forgotten that its Tuesday. Tuesdays are patch day. I instead switch to my Tau army on WH40K: Dark Crusade and progress to eliminate the Eldar, and make major inroads on the Orks and rebuff the Space Marines. But first a quick run to get cash from an ATM and a coffee and scone from Dunn Bros. As I wait in line, my mind wanders again to the Cities, and I miss the selection of coffeehouses that I used to frequent. I change the topic in my mind to something else. I dwell on the Cities too much still. It depresses me and keeps me from enjoying the now and making the best of the here. I think about Saturday. Saturday is nerding. I also need to stop by and visit my Grandparents. I received a frantic email from Grandma, here computer is doing things it shouldn't and not doing things it should. That's not good, but I miss them and I don't see them enough. When she found out when I'm coming, she said she is going to make breaded pork chops and mashed potatoes...how can I refuse? I'm not a lot of things, but I like to think I am a good grandson. Besides, no one else in the family can help, or rather she doesn't trust anyone else in the family to help. She knows I do things with computers.

The coffee and raspberry jam covered scone is delicious. I enter the world of Kronus to do battle.

The Eldar die quickly and are driven from the world. The Orks rise before me in a green tide and clash against my wall of Fire Warriors, who become awash in a sea of red. 5 to 1 kill rate, my Cadre literally kills thousands of them. The Orks are driven from the Bulwark, back to their home territory. I will finish them next turn, which will have to wait.

2:30pm comes too fast. I shutdown the game. Say goodbye to the cats, who both sit and watch me prepare to leave. They are funny like that. Always there to greet us when we get home and there to see us off when we leave.

I am unable to find a parking spot and I don't have change. So I park in a two-hour parking zone near work...I probably have a ticket. Parking has been tight since they eliminated another two parking lots at work.

I go to the hardware recycling center and pickup some components I need to craft a console patch so that I can work remotely on this system instead of sitting in the data center slowly going deaf. When did they start locking the door...

I forgot to lookup where the server was.

The server was moved since I last remember, not uncommon, I remember then that ACs had to go in where it used to be, it is now all the way across the data center and by itself. Damn. I bring a laptop over, the DC Ops Manager put various laptops on stands throughout the data center, they are great tools. I patch the laptop in to the server and head a few blocks away to my office. I remote desktop in and everything seems to work, console output is fine, but input is funny. Everything is changed to funny characters. Almost like I am typing in wing-dings.

I consult a co-worker. We get some long cables and do what you should not do, string cables over the raised floor to establish a patch connection. Much time is spent checking and re-checking and verifying the cables and connections, but to no avail. We figure the ASICs in the serial connector on the host are bad. This makes the job far more interesting, and much, much riskier. The machine is venerable. The likelihood of something going wrong when you touch it are high. Uptime is over 400 days. But the kernel level says the OS is running at a patch level off an old CD, I figure it to be Solaris 8, 02/02, but I'm too pre-occupied to look it up at the moment. It is part of a large, but dwindling cluster of systems built by the previous regime as I call them. The collection of cowboys and pseudo-admins from whom I, and the rest of the team inherited the environment. The stuff they built are land mines waiting to go off. And they frequently do, and then we have to pickup the pieces. In most cases this is actually a blessing in disguise as we can rebuild them better, and most importantly more supportable. But we pay, for everything we do, we pay. The political price is always high. The previous regime left us in a spot of 'most hated'. Not by all, we have allies and friends, but we have many enemies. Though the winds are changing and slowly we are coming to at least professional understandings. At my old job I learned the valuable ability to separate people from the work they do. In most cases you can dislike, hate the person at work, only to find away from work and the pressure and stress they are not at all bad people.

I digress. I un-encapsulated the OS disk, its not mirrored. Few of these ancient systems have mirrored OS disks. Without a console, I have to patch in multi-user mode, another 'don't try this at home' situations, but options are few. Patching from such an old kernel rev will mean it will take probably 8 hours on weary ultra-sparc II CPUs. They're tired, if you listen you can hear the wheezing of age in the system's fans. The groan of its power supply. The age of its machine spirit. I try to do what I can revive and resuscitate these old installs, but you can only bring them back from the dead so many times before you just must retire them.

So far the patching is going, but the moment of truth will be the reboot...hours from now.

Life { Me not good with English this wek

I don't know if its the lunar alignment or fullness or that I may be getting arthritic but it seems like I can't makes me my letters good this week.

Top 5 problems:

1) 'know' when I mean 'no'
2) 'their' when I mean 'there'
3) 'windws' when I meant 'winds'
4) missing the lttr 'e'
5) letter 'd' is playa-hating me