musings { "Lets make some music, make some money, find some models for wives..."

From 'Time to Pretend' by The Management (aka MGMT).

This song was on a play list of random, loosely thematic songs I put together on a whim, and I don't remember doing it, but the play list name is in my naming style:

1. "Under the Blacklight" - Rilo Kiley
2. "Time to Pretend (Radio Version)" - MGMT
3. "Road to Peace" - Tom Waits
4. "Law of Life" - Farah
5. "Lady Operator" - Mirage
6. "Lake of Dreams" - Mirage
7. "Computer Love" - Glass Candy (Kraftwerks remake)
8. "Flux" - Bloc Party
9. "Wanderlust" - Delays
10. "Yell Fire" - Michael Franti & Spearhead
11. "Infra-Red" - Placebo
12. "Meds" - Placebo
13. "Pierrot the Clown" - Placebo
14. "Metal Heart" - Garbage
15. "All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix Experience
16. "Cannonball" - The Breeders
17. "Walking With A Ghost" - Tegan & Sara
18. "Morning Glory" - Oasis
19. "An Honest Mistake (Superdiscount Remix)" - The Bravery
20. "Army Dreamers" - Kate Bush
21. "God" - Tori Amos
22. "Guerrilla Radio" - Rage Against the Machine
23. "16 Military Wives" - The Decemberists
24. "Here I Dreamt I was an Architect" - The Decemberists
25. "Dashboard" - Modest Mouse

On this list, four songs are really resonating with me at the moment; "Here I Dreamt I was an Architect", "Dashboard", "Wanderlust", and "Time to Pretend (Radio Version)". They are all songs, rather existentialist in nature. They focus on the what if? the where am I? the why don't I? There is a sense of dreaming in them as well. A certain, let's leave all this behind and do something else. These have been thoughts and themes in my life a lot lately. Growing unrest and frustration with my job, feelings of stagnation in living in Rochester, general unease about the general state of things in America have often made me seek escapist thoughts. The sudden realization of adulthood. Dreaming of other places I've been. Thinking of places I would like to be again with Nerdwife, walking along Stinson Beach north of San Francisco, or riding the Aqua Bus to Granville Island to go to the market in Vancouver, or even just stand upon the shores of Lake Superior like we did on our honeymoon. My thoughts of places I'd rather be tend to drift to locations near large bodies of water. Some of the most "in the moment" I've ever been have been in these places. The only other memory I have of being so of that moment in time, was laying in a darkened hospital room, four days into the chemotherapy, Nerdwife dozing in a chair by my side, listening to my heart beat, the sounds of the room, it was late, or really early, night shift in the hospital. I often was awake at this time, it was peaceful, quiet, I really didn't worry about anything, or have any cares. Not even "will I live?" I was just there. I had a similar experience the other night. I was lounging on the floor, we were watching City of God, when I suddenly, I'm not sure why, I looked up at the ceiling and it hit me full force...this is our house...we bought it, we're paying the mortgage on it...I'm an adult. This may not seem profound or earth shattering to others. And really it wasn't, but it was a moment when the child inside me receded a little farther. I had never, up to that point ever thought about this situation like that before. Suddenly, it was like something caught up with me, and I'm not sure I was ready for it. But life is a journey, not a destination, while part of me stands on the road and looks at where I've been and at places I wish I could return, part of me looks forward and wonders what is around that next bend in the road?

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20
-Robert Frost

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