musings { It can't be magic all the time

I've been sitting in my office this afternoon sipping some chamomile tea contemplating a myriad of things while I wait for something to finish. I can't seem to think about only one topic and I sort of unhinge my mind and let it flow like a torrent of water over rocks and go where it may. It often results in many unrelated verbal outbursts as my mind does an esoteric six degrees of Kevin Bacon leap from one topic to another in a pattern that only makes sense to the internal filing cabinet of my conscious/sub-conscious. Anyways. One of the blips past the screen of conscious that occurred was a thought regarding the moments in life that you wish wouldn't end. Things like a really great conversation with a friend, my first kiss to my wife, things that can honestly be summed up as happy times, periods of an in-the-moment where for a brief period the world isn't so bad, you are in step with life, and there are honestly, truly no complaints. Those moments are infrequent for me. I've been an unhappy, cynical, person for a large chunk of my life, always feeling out of step, out of the moment, somewhere else. My thoughts once the blip was noticed ran a quick, what I call mental decision/exploration tree of possibilities. One branch was "what if these moments could last forever?" Conclusion, if they were the norm then they would not be memorable or magical. Like Christmas everyday (speaking of Christmas everyday, watch the first video on this link).

I do miss those late nights at Perkins and various coffeehouses when I was still in college, and sporadically after I left where my friends and I saw the sun set and watched it rise again engaged in all night discussion (Allthingspring and I used to do this quite often). When Nerdwife first started graduate school many of the first years congregated every Monday night at a local pub for 'Mystery Beer Night' where expensive beer was $2 and you chose which beer by pulling a name out of a bucket. Those were good times and often went late. But, like the late night conversations with friends, they trickled away. We changed, things changed, the situation changed. Life moved on, got in the way, or shifted. But because these don't happen all the time, they have become milestones on the time line of my life that stand out. I miss those days, but I won't try to bring them back, they happened by chance or random and were gems of the unpredictability of the future. I won't live in those days anymore either, as there are new ones that need to be made.

We are all in a state of flux.

('Flux', Bloc Party)

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